Growing up can be challenging. The comparisons, the self doubts, the complexes, the fear of failure, the confusion of your desires, and the list goes on. One thing is certain, we all seek happiness and this can only be achieved when we get all we want right? Problem is, we'll never stop wanting so does that mean we'll never be happy? Someone once said for you to be happy, you need to be contented with what you have......so does that mean that we should not be ambitious? For if that is the case, all the yearnings in our heart would be ignored thus leaving us unfulfilled and then again, unhappy! So how then do we get to be ambitious and content at the same time? Well, that is the dilemma of growing up.....knowing how to measure the balance.....knowing when to lose in other to win, knowing which things to let go and which things to hold on to.....knowing when to stop being nice and to be harsh for a change....knowing which motivations are right and which are wrong and yet still, doing all this without losing the plot of who we are or are striving to be. A friend of mine shares her own experience....of rumblings in her head........and she does get the plot in the end.....:)
In Nigeria, we have a saying that goes, ‘It is not only the fox; even the snail arrives at its destination’. Hearing this instantly warms my heart and automatically makes me smile.
Sometimes I think of where I am compared to where I want to be. If only I did this and that and changed this little thing about me or threw away this entire chunk of my personality, maybe I’ll get to that place. It’s even worse when I compare myself to my peers, ‘if only I were confident like Kirsten’ I mumbled this to myself all three years of high school, or, ‘maybe if I were pretty and smart like Deniz’ I would think this and stare jealously at my best friend. Over the years though, I’ve come to realize that being pretty and smart like Deniz, or being confident like Kirsten doesn’t matter. It’s really about being confident, pretty and smart like me.
Even now I think about my career and where some of my mates have gone with their lives. A friend that owns his own business and is doing pretty well at it, or another friend that has figured out how to be fun and adventurous, yet at complete peace with one’s own self even at times of trouble, and throw in the fact that she’s smart, outspoken and is the very definition of power-woman all in one. Yeah, we all have that friend in our lives, the one we look up to and think, damn, where do I keep getting it wrong in my life?
Then I take a thorough look at myself, pick out all the nasty bits that need to go, make a deadly-sins list and hang it up on my wall as a reminder of all the wrong things I believe I embody and it’s just not healthy. Every time I look at this list, I get depressed because I realise that shoot! I committed offense number two on my list, at least ten times today without even noticing it. Although, it’s good to want to mature and grow, I’ve learnt to look at my weaknesses and strengths as the formula that makes me.
Still, I always get stressed out worrying about ‘why it took me two years to get into my program of study while it took others a year only. Now I’m going to be stuck here when all my friends have graduated. Or why did I do so poorly on this exam while others aced it? Why can’t I get a better, higher-profile job like she has? And why is it taking me so long to get in a real relationship while others are already getting married?
I have realised though that everyone has their own pace. The fox may be a fast runner and gets to where it’s going in time, but then so does the snail. It’s slow and just crawls around, but be sure it will get to that party on time! To begin with, It’s all about being fully aware of who you are. The snail knows that it is slow, so if it got an invite for seven pm, it’ll leave the house at two pm, leaving a good five hours to crawl and get there. It has forgiven itself for its shortcomings and now works with it. So when I feel like my life is running on slow motion and I get left behind a lot, I try to take things one step at a time, measuring the time I need against the time that I have. Also, now I try to make a conscious effort against comparing myself to others, because this is MY life so I focus only on the things that I need done to get myself to the place that I want to be; slow or not, I will arrive at my destination.
By Tosin Babatunde
