In Search of the Northern Lights - Lost in Limbo (A captain's plight)

Startled and awake....
Immersed in slimy mud.....
Wastelands and dumps all around me
Why am I here?
And like shockwaves....it all comes rushing back to me....

Why does it feel so quiet after a storm....?
That deafening silence.....more like a deep sense of hopelessness
For yes it was a storm
Tearing away my ship....my crew.....or did they dump me here?
For I see not signs of wreckage......
But still it was a storm.....for my ship is gone....my crew as well
My clothes.....my pride....my love
All have been stripped from me.....
My arms hardly providing warmth and cover from the cold and shame

Then again.....it was all the product of my folly
My misgivings, arrogance, pride and selfishness.....
For perhaps I could've thought of my crew....their persistent solidarity
Or her warmth...oh her warmth...*cringes*
The last look in her eyes that of desperation....disbelieve and yet there she lay
Watching as the last drop of her essence I wrecked.....
But I tried to save this didn't I? *in a fist of self pity*
Maybe.....but then it was too late......*voices in my head*
Maybe I did still....maybe...*in one last shred of confidence*

Suddenly its all over....
The burdens....the pain....the torture.....
But do I prefer the guilt and shame here now....?
Obviously not....for freedom never tasted this bitter
Or perhaps this ain't freedom.....?
For in these wastelands I remain lost
In this limbo......and freedom would only start when I crawl out of it....

But how?